What’s the secret to influencing people? Influencing should never be about telling people what to do. People do things for their reasons, not yours, so you have to cage the advice-giving monster.
The most successful influencers understand the power of intentional language. They consistently use the right words at the right time, and the people who get it right know exactly what to say and when to say it.
Everything that leaves your mouth is either helpful or hurtful. Intentional language limits the hurtful and increases the helpfulness. Exactly What to Say shares 23 principles around influence and persuasion, and you can use this simple methodology to prepare for your important moments with intentional language choices.
There are thousands of known moments that you could get ready for, but this doesn’t mean relying on forced wooden scripts. Try not to be wary of practising your Critical Conversations and having prepared responses; just deliver them with feeling and get to know the intentionality of the moment. This way, you can confidently go off script, providing you follow some sort of strategy.
Better Communication
The first thing that you need to do if you want to improve your communication skills, is define the moments that you need to get ready for.
Once you’ve defined them, all you need to do is learn some key lines that go with these moments.
The second thing to do is remember that curiosity is the fuel for great conversations.
The best listeners listen. They learn much more about the people they are talking to and, as a result, can offer genuine help and solutions. The secret to being a better listener is to ask questions.
The most interesting person in the room is the interested person.
Asking just one question can help you slow everything down and gain a better understanding of the context. Where possible, avoid giving advice. Stay in the moment for longer, and you will learn more about the other person.
The third thing to remember is that people do things for their reasons, not yours. But how do you prove that your way is the best without telling them what to do?
Provide as much social proof as possible.
Social Proof
Did you know that there are 3 questions that every decision-maker asks:
- Have you done this before,
- Have you done it recently?
- Have you done it for someone like me?
If you can answer these questions in what you share, you will get a resounding yes. You can show this with your social proof.
Showing that you know them and telling a story about how you’ve done this recently for someone like them provides a prospect with the social proof they need to trust you.
People often make the mistake of only mentioning the ‘big names’ with their social proof, but remember, most people want to know the journey. They want to know the times that you have helped ‘average’ people get from A to B.
Your ‘from and to’ stories become so important here. They tell your prospects that no matter what stage they are in their journey, your processes work and could help them move forward.
What stories could you share?
Story Telling
Good storytelling is merely a sequence of words. A story will always sell, whereas a fact will only tell.
Did you know that when it comes to decision-making, nearly every decision has been made at least twice?
Before you say yes, you have to see yourself doing it. If you can’t see yourself doing it, then your chances of choosing it are slim to none.
‘Just imagine’ can help create the vision of saying yes. It is the same as using ‘Once upon a time’ when telling your children a story – you set the scene and help someone see themselves in an alternative reality.
If you can help people have confidence that your solution will help them by telling the right stories at the right time, you’ll increase your chances of securing a yes.
Professional Language Choice
If you are a professional speaker, then intentional language is essential.
How can you tell a story that holds your audience’s attention and helps create powerful imagery for them?
There is a magic flow to a keynote speech, and it goes like this:
Tell a story, make a point, make a point, tell a story, tell a story, make a point, make a point, tell a story….
Follow this simple flow, and you will create a catchy melody that will keep your audience’s attention.
Most people tell a story, make a point, tell a story, make a point, but this makes a predictable cadence to the audience. It’s comfortable, but the comfort can make them disconnect. Mixing it up makes it interesting.
When preparing to speak in public, consider where you want the plane to land. Start with the end in mind, then think about how you could start it.
Finally, think about the important ingredient that lives somewhere in the middle. This could be the point you are making, or the thing you are offering.
When preparing to speak in public, consider where you want the plane to land. Start with the end in mind, then think about how you could start it.
Finally, think about the important ingredient that lives somewhere in the middle. This could be the point you are making, or the thing you are offering.
Intentional language is important professionally and personally, and there are always exercises that you can use to improve your techniques. What Critical Conversations should you be better prepared for?
