“Go where you get.”
At first, those words didn’t land the way you might expect. They almost sounded dismissive, maybe even selfish. Go where you get? What does that even mean?
The first time I heard it, I wasn’t sure what to think. But the person saying it wasn’t flippant or careless. He’s one of my closest friends – someone who has stood beside me for years through one of the rockiest journeys of my life. He’s well-known for his kindness, his grounded perspective, and his ability to support without trying to fix. When he said it, I knew there had to be more behind the phrase.
And there was.
The Struggle Beneath the Surface
Like many of us, I’ve had my fair share of moments where negative emotions got the best of me. Most of the time, I know how to coach myself through them. I ask the right questions:
- It’s them, not me—am I taking this too personally? (The Four Agreements)
- What responsibility do I have in this? (Let Them Theory)
- What would I do differently next time? (Phil M. Jones)
Five minutes of mindfulness and breathing, paired with these questions, usually helps me reset. It’s my way of “changing the soundtrack,” as Jon Acuff puts it—choosing a different story to play on repeat in my mind.
But not this time.
The anger kept creeping back in. The hurt wouldn’t let go. My thoughts became a spiral of I’ll show you moments, hustling for validation, comparing myself to others, wanting acknowledgment that never came. It didn’t take much to push me right back down the rabbit hole.
That’s when my friend reminded me: Go where you get.
What It Really Means
It clicked.
“Go where you get” isn’t about taking. It’s about alignment. It’s about intentionally placing yourself in environments, communities, and relationships where you receive what you need to keep showing up as your best self.
- Go where you get your cup filled-with energy, love, joy, and community.
- Go where you get smarter-surrounded by people who stretch your thinking, challenge your perspectives, and help you keep growing into the person you’re meant to be.
- Go where you get support-the kind that’s non-judgmental and forward-focused, so you can move through the weight of difficult situations you can’t control.
It’s not about seeking constant affirmation. It’s about recognizing that we can’t pour from an empty cup. If we keep showing up in spaces that drain us, belittle us, or take more than they give, we eventually run out of capacity to serve, lead, and love the way we’re uniquely gifted to.
Adding Two More Questions
For years, my process for shifting negative self-talk was simple: breathe, ask better questions, reset. But now, thanks to this phrase, I’ve added two more questions to my toolkit:
- Am I surrounding myself with the right people and pouring into them?
- If not, who can I pour into, serve, and support right now?
Those two questions shift the focus from self-doubt and frustration to connection and contribution. They remind me that the environments I choose—and the people I choose to invest in—play a huge role in my mindset and resilience.
Why It Matters
We live in a world that constantly pulls at our attention, tests our boundaries, and tempts us to measure our worth through comparison. It’s easy to get stuck in negative loops, hustling for acknowledgment in places that will never provide it.
But here’s the truth: you don’t have to stay there.
You can choose to go where you get.
You can choose to be around like-minded humans who value and respect one another, servant leaders who believe in themselves and in each other, people who are passionate about sharing their gifts and talents with the world.
When you “go where you get,” you create the conditions to give your best. Not because you’re chasing validation, but because you’re fueled, supported, and inspired to pour out what only you can bring.
The Invitation
So the next time negative self-talk rears its ugly head, or when you feel stuck in comparison, frustration, or burnout—pause and ask yourself:
- Am I in the right room?
- Am I with the right people?
- Am I giving my energy to places that give back?
If the answer is no, it might be time to change your surroundings.
Because when you go where you get, you don’t just receive. You gain the clarity, courage, and capacity to give your all to the world—the way only you are uniquely gifted to give.
And that, I believe, is exactly where we’re meant to be.
