When you are trying to work on improving your conversations the Exactly What to Say Framework provides the 4 cornerstones of Conversational Excellence. These foundational principles are key to understanding how to have better conversations and ones with more impact and intent.
As an Enneagram coach, something that I also find very important is making sure to acknowledge our hard wiring when we do any sort of improvements. The Enneagram is a complex personality trait system that goes to a person’s core fear and motivation. When you take the time to be self-aware and understand you can optimize all your conversations as you understand your lens and the other viewpoints.
In the Enneagram world and the 9 types, the 9 types also fall into 3 different harmonic triads. These triads represent three overarching patterns of behavior and thought. These triads: Positive Outlook, Competence, and Emotional Reactivity, delve into fundamental aspects of human interaction and communication.
Positive Outlook reflects an inclination towards optimism and resilience, Competence embodies a pursuit of mastery and achievement, while Emotional Reactivity centers on sensitivity to emotional cues and responses.
Understanding these triads in the context of the Exactly What to Say cornerstones of conversational excellence provides invaluable insights into how individuals approach relationships and conversations, offering Realtor’s a framework to enhance their communication skills and deepen connections with clients and colleagues alike.
1. The Worst Time to Think About Something is in the Moment You Are Saying It
Positive Outlook: Individuals in the positive outlook triad maintain a hopeful perspective and are often adept at reframing challenges into opportunities. For Realtor’s in this triad, thorough preparation is not just about mitigating risks but also about seizing possibilities. By envisioning positive outcomes and crafting clear messages, they inspire confidence and trust in their clients.
Competence: Those in the competence triad are driven by a desire for mastery and excellence. This cornerstone should be one that the Competence Realtor’s understand and appreciate. At their core they don’t want to be seen as incompetent, so they definitely understand the need to be prepared prior to any conversation. With preparation they exude confidence and competence in their conversations, positioning themselves as trusted advisors to their clients.
Emotional Reactivity: Individuals in the emotional reactivity triad are keenly attuned to the emotional nuances of interactions. Realtors in this triad recognize the importance of emotional intelligence in communication. By managing their own emotions and empathizing with their clients, they navigate conversations with empathy and understanding, fostering meaningful connections and rapport. Preparation for this triad is being aware of their own triggers and reactivity to certain words, tones and situations.
2. Curiosity is the Fuel to All Great Conversations
Positive Outlook: Curiosity fuels exploration and growth for individuals in the positive outlook triad. Realtors in this triad approach conversations with a sense of wonder and openness, this cornerstone comes easy to this group of agents. By asking insightful questions and seeking to understand their clients’ needs and aspirations, they foster a spirit of collaboration and discovery, creating opportunities for mutual growth and success.
Competence: Those in the competence triad leverage curiosity as a tool for continuous learning and improvement. Realtors in this triad stay informed about market trends and emerging technologies, constantly seeking new knowledge and insights to better serve their clients. By remaining curious and adaptable, they position themselves as industry leaders and trusted advisors in their field.
Emotional Reactivity: Curiosity enhances emotional intelligence and empathy for individuals in the emotional reactivity triad. Realtors in this triad use curiosity to deepen their understanding of their clients’ emotions and motivations. By asking thoughtful questions and actively listening to their clients’ concerns, they create a safe and supportive space for open dialogue and collaboration.
3. People Do Things for Their Reasons, Not Yours
Positive Outlook: Individuals in the positive outlook triad approach interactions with empathy and understanding. Realtors in this triad recognize that clients’ decisions are often influenced by their own hopes, fears, and aspirations. By acknowledging and validating their clients’ perspectives, they build trust and rapport, fostering strong and lasting relationships.
Competence: Understanding clients’ motivations is key to success for those in the competence triad. Realtors in this triad use their insight into human behavior to anticipate their clients’ needs and preferences. By aligning their strategies with their clients’ motivations, they create customized solutions that address their clients’ unique objectives and goals.
Emotional Reactivity: Individuals in the emotional reactivity triad are sensitive to emotional cues and responses. Realtors in this triad use their emotional intelligence to navigate their clients’ emotions with empathy and compassion. By acknowledging and validating their clients’ feelings, they create a supportive and trusting environment where clients feel understood and valued.
4. The Person Asking the Questions is in Control of the Conversation
Positive Outlook: Inquiry is a tool for empowerment and collaboration for individuals in the positive outlook triad. Realtors in this triad use strategic questioning to guide conversations towards positive outcomes. By asking insightful questions and encouraging their clients to share their thoughts and concerns, they create a sense of partnership and cooperation, driving towards mutually beneficial solutions.
Competence: Inquiry fosters learning and growth for those in the competence triad. Realtors in this triad use questioning to deepen their understanding of their clients’ needs and preferences. By asking thoughtful questions and actively listening to their clients’ responses, they gain valuable insights that inform their strategies and decision-making, positioning themselves as trusted advisors in their field.
Emotional Reactivity: Upholding integrity and empathy is essential when mastering the art of inquiry for individuals in the emotional reactivity triad. Realtors in this triad approach conversations with sensitivity and respect. By asking empathetic questions and validating their clients’ emotions, they create a safe and supportive space for open dialogue and collaboration, fostering trust and rapport.
Two Tiny Massive Lessons
A successful business leader is always striving for growth in some form. Most desirable is the growth of results, and this often means driving more sales to increase revenue.
More sales means selling, and with that, you have to become a salesperson.
Unfortunately, salespeople get a bad rep. Words such as sleazy, dishonest, pushy, and obnoxious are associated with a stereotypical salesperson.
It’s not great, is it?
Could it be possible that if these same people were to describe a professional salesperson, the words could be different?
You might start to move away from words like insincere, slick, and annoying and move towards helpful, engaging, and dedicated.
To become a professional salesperson, however, you might have to change your approach to selling.
So, what are the two tiny massive lessons?
The first is this: being a salesperson is not a bad thing.
The second is that it’s the perception of being a salesperson that’s the problem.
If somebody tells you that you are a great salesperson, that might not necessarily be positive. You should stop looking for applause for your selling strategy and start looking for gratitude instead.
If you focus instead on getting more thank-yous, your focus will be on the client, and that is most important.
What changes could you implement for your sales team?
By integrating the insights of the Enneagram's harmonic triad into their communication approach, Realtors can optimize their strengths, navigate challenges, and foster deeper connections with clients, referral partners, and loved ones.
Was this article helpful to start your path of self-awareness? Maybe the self-awareness was that you relate to some of these more than others. This start of this journey is being aware and continuing to learn more about the 9 different Enneagram types.
It can be tempting to use an online test to sort out who you are and quickly type yourself. But the self-awareness journey isn’t a quick one, it is a journey in which you want to be slow and curious … learn more about yourself, note what triggers you and what comes easy to you and what is more challenging.
Take a look at it when it comes to these Conversational Cornerstones – it’s the beginning to you leveling up not just your conversational skills with others, but also with yourself.
